getting raptured
(2000)

© camille west 1990 bmi

 

should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind
should auld acquaintance be forgot
hey everybody, itís rapture time
i was staring at the clouds from a 747
when i saw that there were thousands
getting sucked up into heaven
and i knew that armageddon time was nigh
when the captain said,
"on your right thereís mother teresa floating by"
oh, i could here the passengers behind me start to cheer
when he said, "looks like the whole non-smoking sectionís disappeared.
but donít you fear, even though iím outta here
youíve still got the navigator

heíll stay with the rest of you fornicators and atheists,
insurance salesmen and bigamists,
and certain televangelists and such
and by the way, thanks for flying with us"

chorus:
well itís one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
taken away from their rvís and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly electrolux on super suck
and iím stuck here in sinners company
jimmy swaggart, my mother-in-law and me

driving home from the airport
the highways were all clear
except for cars with nra bumper stickers on the rear
i pulled into a burger joint
gave my order to a sweet blonde who said,
"would you like some fries with that?"
zoop she was gone
i finally made it home
i couldnít take it anymore
when i saw my friend the jehovahís witness
who preaches at my door
he was rising higher and higher saying,
"what do you think about that?
na na na na na...thupt!
and i heard...splat!

chorus:
well itís one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
taken away from their rvís and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly electrolux on super suck
and iím stuck here in sinners company
madonna, my mother-in-law and me

nowís the time to fear the most
armageddonís getting close
when you hear the holy ghost
who you gonna call, ghostbusters?

i went to see a friend of mine,
the one who drives a ford
with the little sign on the window
"holy rolling with the lord"
well, she hadnít yet been raptured
and it made her real upset
sheíd been counting on not paying her american express
she sat poised like a debutante
waiting for a date
and when she finally did get raptured she cried
"jesus youíre late"
me, well i was staying
i said, "hey what i do wrong?"
when a voice from up above said,
"youíre the schmuck who wrote this song"

chorus:
well itís one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
taken away from their rvís and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly electrolux on super suck
and iím stuck here in sinners company
rush limbaugh, my mother-in-law and me
and you sitting there
you missed the rapture too
happy new year

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 last update 01/05/01