the nervous wreck of edna fitzgerald
words & music 1995 camille west, bmi
 

ahoy matey! shiver me timbers and all that sailor sort of talk. we sailed away from huntington bay
and the waters were calm as could be-oh
on our new cabin cruiser, the first time we used her
'twas just the family and me-oh
and my husband stood proud in his new captain's hat
using words like ahoy there and- crap like that
so we took the kid and cleo our cat
and set out to conquer the sea-oh
everyone loved it but clee-oh

and it's yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
pass me a bottle of perrier please
this is the life for me

the tranquility three miles out to sea
suddenly came to an end-oh
when the kid started saying "no way am i staying
i'd rather be playing nintendo-oh"
and the captain cried "ho there, you little snot,
i paid fifty grand for this family yacht
you're going to enjoy yourself, like it or not
so you'd better learn how to pretend-oh"
(we all caught the man's innuendo-oh)

and it's yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
pass me a bottle of dramamine please
this is the life for me

my husband the captain was checking the charts
while the cruiser was burning up fu-el
and the kid threw the cat in, trolling for sharks
he called it a project for school-el
i reached down to pull the cat in by the tail
when i smelled what i held my complexion went pale
that's when i lost my lunch over the rail
the kid thought the whole thing was coo-el
mama was not feeling too-well

and it's yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
pass me a bottle of valium please
is this the life for me?

we ran out of fuel by mid-afternoon
and the clouds were moving in fast-er
and the captain did say, "there's no more perrier"
which made it a total disast-er.
with hardly a warning it started to pour
and we drifted 'til we reached the new jersey shore
(never thought i'd be glad to see jersey before)
we started drifting in fast-er,
tried to steer the ship, but we crashed her

no more yo ho over the seas
the salt and the spray and the cool ocean breeze
pass me a bottle of cyanide please
this is no life for me.

i'm back in my condo, the cruiser's a wreck
my husband is spending the insurance check
on something for dry land or i'll break his neck
'cause this is the life for me
yo ho

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 last update 01/05/01